so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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