allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
