Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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