i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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