We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
