even my farts smell like vagina
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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