I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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