White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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