he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
