checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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