I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
