i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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