dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
