I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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