I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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