There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
