He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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