ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
