If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Success! We fucked roommates!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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