I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
