Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
