I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
