i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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