Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
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Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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