when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize