erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize