I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I believe in your delicious
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
