The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize