Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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