Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
