You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
