she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
