Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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