He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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