It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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