Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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