you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
