i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
