I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
