This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
