you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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