god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
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Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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