I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
