One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
