were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
