I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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