I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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