Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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