I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
