No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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