too bad you live with your parents still
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
