Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
BRING THE BAGELS
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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