"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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