I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
