Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
