Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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