I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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