I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize