im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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