what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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