Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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