that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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