Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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