Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
