This dress was meant to end up on your floor
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
