you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
pop tarts are not kleenex
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
