I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
