I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
