he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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